ramblings

2026/02/25

dear diary,

i fucked up!~~~♪

but i feel lighter,
and that's worse actually
all i can do is pray things resolve gently and everyone feels better toward each other

2026/02/24

dear diary,

a friend came over today
we hanged out and it was fun!

2026/02/23

dear diary,

ow;;
i bit my mouth a bit too hard
it's been a long time since i lost got a cold sore
pain

2026/02/22

dear diary,

a foreigner came to the church i go to today!
we both could speak english, so i was able to help her out
and also have some really epic☆conversations

2026/02/21

dear diary,

i spent all day today trying to meet deadlines of my self-assigned projects
i'm tired...

2026/02/20

dear diary,

i felt bored
i did almost nothing today rather than binge listen my favorite music artist's songs

2026/02/19

dear diary,

today went to a hospital
and nothing else that's really notable happened
aw well

2026/02/18

dear diary,

nevermind!.. and yet another day with the big family
had an epic movie night

movies watched:

• kimetsu no yaiba infinity castle
• zootopia 2
• the secret world of arrietty

that's about it!^^

2026/02/17

dear diary,

another day with the big family
also had a birthday celebration!--
i found a bakery that sold a lot of epic stuff so why not? and ended up buying a cake
can't believe it's only one more night and then over but oh well,,..
it was fun!

2026/02/16

dear diary,

lunar new year!!
i'm at my grandparents' house with my cousins
and played a lot^^
we're spending a few nights over there
to those reading this for some reason
happy lunar new year to you as well!!く3!!...even if i don't know if you celebrate it as well or not^^

2026/02/15

dear diary,

i went to an art exposition and some more places with my mother
it was her birthday and she wanted to go there
^^yay^^ it was fun
i got the back of my puffer coat messy tho... rip

2026/02/15

dear diary,

i went to an art exposition and some more places with my mother
it was her birthday and she wanted to go there
^^yay^^ it was fun
i got the back of my puffer coat messy tho... rip

2026/02/14

dear diary,

first february 14th i didn't have to drink chlorox at a wine bar hehe
last year could have been the same but
oh well^^ and it snowed again!!yay

2026/02/13

dear diary,

another day of the valentines festival!!
u hhhh
idk what to add
a lot of silly(?) things happened around me but it'd be weird including in my entries..

2026/02/12

dear diary,

valentines festival(?) at school today!^^
apparently there's this thing where you can write letters (not necessarily "love" letters it can just be any form of letter;;)
i wrote 8 today

2026/02/11

dear diary,

i went bowling with some friends yayayayayay
wow
i suck at bowing...
but i had fun^^

2026/02/10

dear diary,

loop x+1
"just as always." a day marked its end.
everyone is so stupid
resenting others out of love for not changing
but they can't change the fat that all they can do is hurt, heal, hurt again, heal again, apologize, ask, apologize, ask, they die ask wait go die ask wait go die ask wait go
fuck them all
they can't change even that about themselves

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: ≥2
4/341

2026/02/09

dear diary,

sleepover with my friends~~
i wanted to sleep but they just wouldn't leave me alone...
trolled in the end

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: ≥2

2026/02/08

dear diary,

i heard a news today
all, or the least i can do is pray

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: ≈2

2026/02/07

dear diary,

chill day today٩( ᐛ )و

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: none too major (maybe?)

2026/02/06

dear diary,

le break of bliss!^^
today was soft and sweet

people around me laughing and having fun with each other again
and to find myself being in there too! ...
i don't know but
sometimes it feels wrong
i shouldn’t be allowed to step back into this so easily even if temporary
but then again i feel something tug at me everytime things like this happen

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: none too major (maybe?)

2026/02/05

dear diary,

they won't leave me alone
i left first so why won't they leave me back?
the ones that kept me going now frustrate me to no end
it's too funny i can't stop laughing

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: lost count

2026/02/04

dear diary,

i've been thinking
i promised not to lie
but if i be honest, well... (one)
and i can't just make no entry at all because what if they realize due to that?
i don't want to seep blood often because all it does?
it's... well...(two)

i tend to leave sentences unfinished way too often and leave them into someone else's interpretation
and some people told me they hate it
hehe
sorry

i don't care if a simple sorry satisfies you
it's the best i can do, the only thing i can do
honestly
i don't care
i don't know anymore, i don't care anymore

i've seen one case today
and maybe i'm still confused??
am i afraid of it happening again or was i just scared at them for not hurting in the exact same way i did..?
either way, they're stupid reasons

repeat that a few times
and i'll show you a magic trick where "i love you, i just want to see you happy" turns into "i want to hurt you even more now, for fuck's sake, why can't you be happy?"
lmfao get trolled
we always love to do a little trolling

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: lost count

2026/02/03

dear diary,

i slept a lot after just going "screw it!^^"
i never knew soju was that strong
even 1 glass is enough to make me go mirmir
my friends from another school graduated
and for once this time i gave in and spent time with them
and then nap again
i like it when my eyes are closed

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: ≈2 (rather a few)

2026/02/02

dear diary,

sleepless night 1/7
i screwed up big time
i want to sleep want to sleep want to sleep want to rest
my body hurts so much
the doctor said sleeping 8 hours a day will fix it and also lessen the depression as a bonus
piss off

f◯◯◯ups i've done + witnessed today: ≥4

2026/02/01

dear diary,

i lived today productively
wish i could have done more though
i race against time or finish in time
there are no exceptions
nor a turnback

f◯◯◯ups i've witnessed today: lost count

2026/01/31

dear diary,

i didn't sleep at all this time

f◯◯◯ups i've done today: 1
f◯◯◯ups i've witnessed today: 2

2026/01/30

dear diary,

i did nothing
slept and slept
i'm still sleepy

2026/01/29

dear diary,

everyone should abandon each other and die all together im so sick of

there is no second without a lie
i'm starting to feel skeptical about the very existence of humanity
if i become like them would my pain subside?
i know i'll be burning but i'm dragging everyone down with me

2026/01/28

dear diary,

neither ameliorating nor worsening, everything flows

2026/01/27

dear diary,

just like snow in the spring

2026/01/26

dear diary,

lokat va irf arizing frum va stars!
eclipse

2026/01/25

dear diary,

surrounded

2026/01/24

dear diary,

interview is in 5 days
i don't know

2026/01/23

dear diary,

i'm so twisted by people's words of love that i feel like my head will explode. me, whose heart churns at a single word of love, whose lips tremble sweetly at a handful of love, whose legs give out at a handful of love. am i a fool? where could such a fool be, who longed so desperately to be loved, yet sheds tears when actually receiving love? i, who washes my body with the love people give me, boils and eats love, and sleeps on love, but i am still afraid of love. i am always afraid. i am afraid of love, i am afraid of this moment with them, i am afraid of the words people whisper of love, and i am afraid of myself, who is thirsty for love.

2026/01/22

dear diary,

still sick;;-;;;;;
i didn't go to school
after all it's dangerous outside the blanket´ ˘ `

2026/01/21

dear diary,

i'm sick...
i had to leave school early today

2026/01/20

dear diary,

bored
did nothing today

2026/01/19

dear diary,

things happen where i sometimes happen to think:

why do you guys keep being like this?
you all are going to keep on hurting each other
with blind intentions
even if you don't want to
and after that
you pretend to be gentle again
you pretend to be fine and okay again
and that alone is enough to fool me again
so please
if you'll keep being like this
then stop loving me
so that i can stop loving you

burn my retinas back into reality
just once more
that's all

we are eternal
now and forever

2026/01/18

dear diary,

everytime i want to throw everything inside my head away i suddenly forget everything
haha
funny
or did they not have a coherent shape?

2026/01/17

dear diary,

my friends went to visit me today^
at the end they said they liked having spent time with me
i like it
part of me still doesn’t know how to hold that feeling properly but i'm glad today happened

2026/01/16

dear diary,

my wariness and dissaticfaction keeps growing more and more

i guess i've grown into that kind of adult

i truly don't belong
i shouldn't be here
i want to disappear i should disappear
i wish, that i along with every trace i've left behind in this world and every proof that i was here vanishes from time and memory itself
as if i was never born

2026/01/15

dear diary,

another connection broke just because i was standing in the middle of it
"did she bully you?"
i said no and even if she was i wasn't able to sense any of those intentions to hurt

"if this is true
i’ll choose you over her"

i don’t want that
i don’t want to be the reason
i keep
noticing

-be me
-arrive somewhere
-suddenly lines are drawn

i should disappear
i don't belong here if i ruin things just by being here

2026/01/14

dear diary,

it scares me how easily love turns into disgust when people are hurt like the only way to heal is to pretend the past was a mistake

2026/01/13

dear diary,

i just feel tired in a very specific way
it's the kind that comes from witnessing and not being allowed to look away
i hope they’re okay
(waow)
(epicc rhyming)
(i should be a lyricist fr er a car hit me and i'm on the er fr (that's an inside joke))

i just hope
even if nothing gets solved
at least the tension eases
if it can
i hope it is

2026/01/12

dear diary,

i had to do a dance performance in front of everyone at the auditorium
i want a ground to open up and swallow me whole right now;;;...
so embarrassed

2026/01/11

dear diary,

today i heard that whenever a person is struggling
God isn't bringing them down or giving them tests
but rather fighting with them
le think

2026/01/10

dear diary,

LMFAOOOOO fuck♪
i've been lied to again
someone told me today that betrayal is the worst feeling
maybe
yeah
don't people have better things to do than lying for their own selfish gain?

2026/01/09

dear diary,

it was really windy;;
a typhoon struck
a mild one but
why does school still make us attend class even in this weather;;
other than that
i met with my (step) father's friend today
he's really nice
the presents he got from the bakery were really delicious too
other than that today was a relatively normal day

2026/01/08

dear diary,

i kept existing today
that counts as something right?

2026/01/07

dear diary,

today felt like an adventure
the public transportation services had to change
and my phone battery died so it wasn't able to help me go home with its navigation app;;
so i went around and around
tired
hands freezing
but eventually made it!^^ yay

2026/01/06

dear diary,

had a snowball fight with friends and i think i'm sick again;;
but i enjoyed it

2026/01/05

dear diary,

almost witnessed a moment of suicide for the second time
twice in a row a day and the day after that

2026/01/04

dear diary,

it worked out
and besides that nothing really
special(?)
happened
i had 김치볶음밥 for dinner
yummers

2026/01/03

dear diary,

i had fun today but right after
something happened

2026/01/02

dear diary,

sometimes i feel too helpless,
everytime something goes wrong it feels like i’m watching a slow collapse and i can’t grab anything to stop it
why are we letting this happen??why do we keep hurting each other like this when none of us want to
i hate that i see it i hate that i feel it i hate that i want eternity to stop choosing me
as its witness

2026/01/01

dear diary,

hap ppi new yar!!

after church me and my friends went playing like crazy i didn't get rest at all;;also i have a friend whose birthday is in january 1st so we had a party there too!
and then the moment i got home i was
finished
i'm never overdrinking(?) alcohol again
apparently
a few glasses of soju are enough to make me feel sick and want to vomit;;
and i'm currently writing this at the next day: 8am

i won’t promise that this year will be bright
i'm not going to say i'll suddenly be strong
healed
fearless
i don’t believe in those kinds of clean starts
but i'll try
thank you for staying

overall mood today: 50%

2025/12/31

dear diary,

new years resolution 2026!!

what i owe the year that's coming:

• take better care of my body
• finish what i start (i gave myself assignments and projects to do with deadlines! (hdddddddd) there are too many worlds i see that don’t even exist yet, i want to set them free;;)
• sleep more eat better drink water (seriously.)
• stay curious be kinder

and most importantly

• make it through

let's give it our best shot!
see you on the other side

2025/12/30

dear diary,

turning 2026 means being one year older here
and suddenly it feels heavier than it should
that feeling when being older by one year really gives me a really sad desire to return to my childhood
i miss my younger self
why bother?
i know i can't return
and even if i could i don't think i'd want to change a thing
my mother and father took great care of me
i loved them
they loved me

carrying that child with me whether i like it or not
i won't leave him behind
and
learn how to walk together

2025/12/29

dear diary,

i went to greet a friend who lived abroad and then came back at the airport
it feels good to see him again

2025/12/28

dear diary,

i felt good about what i accomplished today^^
that's all

2025/12/27

dear diary,

ah
today i went to party with friends
and then spent up the night listening to a 6 hour album halfway with more friends
i'm exhausted;;

2025/12/26

dear diary,

ah
i'm past that walking ghost phase i assume;;
i can't help but blame myself every opportunity i miss,,
and unpleasant things are happening again
i hope
it'll all work out

2025/12/25

dear diary,

merry christmas--!!
this christmas was a really good one
constantly trying to live up day by day
made it felt like time flows really slow
but it's already christmas again;;
so
this year is ending pretty soon
so until then,
let's keep it upbeat
♪