diary
2025/11/17
dear diary,
not anything big but
i'm a bit less insecure about my voice now^^
yay
overall mood today: 20%
2025/11/16
dear diary,
i choose to stay
i didn't choose the pain
but i chose to stay alive with it
to let it break me in real time
not in silence
the cross isn't something i carry anymore
it's something that got glued to me
by hands i don't remember
the same hands begged me to quit
and still dragged me forward anyway
i don’t know if that’s strength
or just stubbornness in a dying body
but i'm still here
and that has to mean something
overall mood today: -4%
2025/11/15
dear diary,
i'm terrible at making promises
too
but maybe it’s not about keeping them perfectly
maybe it's just knowing someone wanted to promise at all
i'll try my best
that's all i can give back
overall mood today: 10%
2025/11/14
dear diary,
the body really does what it wants doesn't it
and we just trust it every night
i always say ‘take care of yourself’ like that’s going to stop anything
overall mood today: -4%
2025/11/13
dear diary,
d-day
i did it!!!!
i still can't believe i did it;;;;;
i'm still processing what i had just done today
a day i've been preparing hundreds of days for and it just
passed by
like another day
i thought i'd cry or laugh or feel something brilliant
but the sky just looked the same as yesterday
is this it
it's strange how something can consume so much of you
and then vanish in a few hours of ticking clocks and pages turning
i don't even know how i did
maybe that’s not what matters tonight
maybe it's that i made it here at all
that i didn't give up halfway
still
i feel like i'm supposed to be celebrating
but my body’s too busy trying to remember how to rest
my mind’s still pacing halls that no longer exist
i’ll let it sink in later
for now
i’ll just breathe and let the world keep turning without asking me for anything
maybe after a bit more time
i'll believe it's really over
overall mood today: 4%
2025/11/12
dear diary,
d-1
but it's okay
if everything falls apart it'll be all over if i vanish anyway
overall mood today: -60%
2025/11/11
dear diary,
forgot to write
i really cant do anything can i
i cant even stop those who cared for me
break
what if i just
disappear
overall mood today: -50%
2025/11/10
dear diary,
there it is
the silence
the place where everything echoes
not rejection
not acceptance
just
no shape
part of me is relieved because words cut
and part of me is also terrified because silence also cuts
i dont know which wound this is yet
overall mood today: -4%
2025/11/09
dear diary,
how do you accept forgiveness?
sometimes the warmth burns me
maybe you just let it exist
let the fact that someone still sees you kindly sit in the same room as your shame
overall mood today: 4%
2025/11/08
dear diary,
“please rest”
i say it like i have any right to tell someone how to be
like i know better
who the hell am i to order rest
when i can't even close my eyes without flinching
what authority does a drowning person have telling others to swim
im embarrassed
i don’t want to command comfort
i just didn't want people to suffer alone
overall mood today: -10%
2025/11/07
dear diary,
when i lose hope
i don't look for a new reason to keep going
i just go still
i don't chase it
i just wait for it to come back
overall mood today: 4%
2025/11/06
dear diary,
if people's happiness makes me happy too
does that make their happiness mine to use
i don’t want to be that person
i don’t want love to become hunger
overall mood today: -50%