ramblings

chitchat notes

if someone reads my words
please reach out to me

you'd know what kind of words i write
and if you're the kind to read these long ramblings
you're probably covered in wounds like me

i'll try to help you
so please
help me
i want to go
to an unknown
peaceful world
where there are no harsh words
where people are heard
somewhere like that
a place of pure fantasy
me and the ones who are going through what i'm going through
living there
that would be nice

i wish today were the last day
let's get through this together
no matter how hard it gets
hope will come someday
even if it takes years
it will surely arrive

the constant urging to endure
can feel like a heavy burden or obsession
if you hear it too often

still
let's hold onto the hope that will come later
and try to overcome it
even if it's difficult

if something won't work out
let's not dwell on it deeply
instead let's just set it aside

those buried thoughts
might occasionally resurface
but i think it's better than
suffering every single day

when the sadness you've been holding back
suddenly overwhelms you
feel free to let it out

it's already late at night
when you're hurt
you need to sleep deeply so that the wounds can heal quickly
that being said
sweet dreams
2026/01/10

dear diary,

LMFAOOOOO fuck♪
i've been lied to again
someone told me today that betrayal is the worst feeling
maybe
yeah
don't people have better things to do than lying for their own selfish gain?
overall mood today: -20%
2026/01/09

dear diary,

it was really windy;;
a typhoon struck
a mild one but
why does school still make us attend class even in this weather;;
other than that
i met with my (step) father's friend today
he's really nice
the presents he got from the bakery were really delicious too
other than that today was a relatively normal day
overall mood today: 30%
2026/01/08

dear diary,

i kept existing today
that counts as something right?
overall mood today: 10%
2026/01/07

dear diary,

today felt like an adventure
the public transportation services had to change
and my phone battery died so it wasn't able to help me go home with its navigation app;;
so i went around and around
tired
hands freezing
but eventually made it!^^ yay
overall mood today: 10%
2026/01/06

dear diary,

had a snowball fight with friends and i think i'm sick again;;
but i enjoyed it
overall mood today: 40%
2026/01/05

dear diary,

almost witnessed a moment of suicide for the second time
twice in a row a day and the day after that
overall mood today: -60%
2026/01/04

dear diary,

it worked out
and besides that nothing really
special(?)
happened
i had 김치볶음밥 for dinner
yummers
overall mood today: 20%
2026/01/03

dear diary,

i had fun today but right after
something happened
overall mood today: -60%
2026/01/02

dear diary,

sometimes i feel too helpless,
everytime something goes wrong it feels like i’m watching a slow collapse and i can’t grab anything to stop it
why are we letting this happen??why do we keep hurting each other like this when none of us want to
i hate that i see it i hate that i feel it i hate that i want eternity to stop choosing me
as its witness
overall mood today: -40%
2026/01/01

dear diary,

hap ppi new yar!!

after church me and my friends went playing like crazy i didn't get rest at all;;also i have a friend whose birthday is in january 1st so we had a party there too!
and then the moment i got home i was
finished
i'm never overdrinking(?) alcohol again
apparently
a few glasses of soju are enough to make me feel sick and want to vomit;;
and i'm currently writing this at the next day: 8am

i won’t promise that this year will be bright
i'm not going to say i'll suddenly be strong
healed
fearless
i don’t believe in those kinds of clean starts
but i'll try
thank you for staying
overall mood today: 50%
2025/12/31

dear diary,

new years resolution 2026!!

what i owe the year that's coming:
and most importantly
let's give it our best shot!
see you on the other side
overall mood today: 4%
2025/12/30

dear diary,

turning 2026 means being one year older here
and suddenly it feels heavier than it should
that feeling when being older by one year really gives me a really sad desire to return to my childhood
i miss my younger self
why bother?
i know i can't return
and even if i could i don't think i'd want to change a thing
my mother and father took great care of me
i loved them
they loved me

carrying that child with me whether i like it or not
i won't leave him behind
and
learn how to walk together
overall mood today: -4%
2025/12/29

dear diary,

i went to greet a friend who lived abroad and then came back at the airport
it feels good to see him again
overall mood today: 50%
2025/12/28

dear diary,

i felt good about what i accomplished today^^
that's all
overall mood today: 20%
2025/12/27

dear diary,

ah
today i went to party with friends
and then spent up the night listening to a 6 hour album halfway with more friends
i'm exhausted;;
overall mood today: 30%
2025/12/26

dear diary,

ah
i'm past that walking ghost phase i assume;;
i can't help but blame myself every opportunity i miss,,
and unpleasant things are happening again
i hope
it'll all work out
overall mood today: -30%
2025/12/25

dear diary,

merry christmas--!!
this christmas was a really good one
constantly trying to live up day by day
made it felt like time flows really slow
but it's already christmas again;;
so
this year is ending pretty soon
so until then,
let's keep it upbeat
♪
overall mood today: 50%
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